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Quotes
The triple is the most exciting play in baseball...Home runs win a lot of games, but I never understood why fans are so obsessed with them.
Hank Aaron, famous Baseball Player (and record home-run hitter), 1998
If it helps to make people think a little bit more what those ideals are, then I'll keep wearing this uniform.
Barbara Adams, Alternate Whitewater juror, after being rejected for wearing her Star Fleet uniform to court, 1996
The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
Scott Adams, Dilbert creator, author, re-engineering sage, 1996
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
Scott Adams, Dilbert's manager from The Dilbert Principle, 1996
I will have two fillings.
Advertisement, for US Women's World Cup, 1999
It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
Alan Alda, actor, 1994
I need to know the price of a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs. I need to know right now.
Lamar Alexander, former governor and presidential candidate needing a quick reality check, New Hampshire, 1996
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
Gloria Allred, feminist attorney, on Politically Incorrect, 1995
Sis, even if you were adopted, I'd still love you...
American Greetings, from a series of 'less-than-tasteful' greeting cards, 1997
Body odor can result in the loss of otherwise happy customers.
Amtrack training manual, 1999
The Lord had the wonderful advantage of being able to work alone.
Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General, answering why he had not implemented organizational reforms after five months when 'God created the universe in seven days',1997
We don't charge for autographs here. We give them away free.
(Anonymous Baseball Player), with the Beloit, Wisconsin "Snappers", 1995
I don't know exactly what democracy is. But we need more of it.
(Anonymous Chinese Student), during protests in Tianamen Square, Beijing, 1989
It's like the coming of civilization.
(Anonymous Moscow Resident), opening of the first Russian McDonalds Restaurant, Moscow, 1990
Somehow a bunch of sanctimonious wackos have managed to legalize torture.
(Anonymous Airline Passenger), describing the US ban on smoking during airline flights, 1990
You touch the wires and you fly!
(Anonymous Teenage Amateur Electrician), on what can happen when tapping illegally into high voltage power lines, heard on NPR, South Africa, 1994
If you compare ours with the best of French wines, we are definitely not there. But if you compare it to the worst of French wines, we are definitely better.
(Anonymous Vintner), near Bangalore India, 1994
I'm going through some serious basketball withdrawl here.
(Anonymous Basketball Fan), on a WVLK radio call-in show, less than three weeks after the University of Kentucky won the US college basketball championship, 1996
I am from Denmark and I am new at this. Why do you get two points for a basket?
Anonymous European Journalist, to US basketball player Karl Malone, during the summer Olympics, 1996.
Please, Please, no more of this music.
(Anonymous Radio Listener), in France, after French DJs dusted off old disco records to satisfy new domestic content laws, 1996
Please Lord, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
(Anonymous t-shirt plea), Wireless catalog, 1994
Bank failue has a whole new meaning.
Anonymous Observer, as riverbanks and levees gave way during flooding in North Dakota, 1997
It's really not fair. They should find some other place to put them.
Anonymous Publisher, after Scottish author J.K. Rowling held the top three places on the NY Times bestseller list - for her childrens' books, 1999
I'm sure he's very big back in his own country.
Anonymous New York Policeman, as Garth Brooks was giving a concert for 250,000 people in central park, 1997
Please stop. They really smell bad.
Anonymous Postal Employee, asking postal patrons to cease sending severed pig's ears to ear-biting boxer Mike Tyson, 1997.
God sent a truck.
Anonymous Resident, from a poor section of Miami, explaining hoiw God had answered his prayers after a Brinks truck overturned on the highway, spilling $400K of money, which was carted off by local residents, 1997.
Two more laser treatments and this is gone.
Tom Arnold, actor and comic, describing his plans for the "Rosanne" tattoo on his chest, 1995.
I want to make this place so unpleasant that they won't even think about doing something that could bring them back.
Joe Arpaio, sheriff for Maricopa County, AZ, describing conditions in his 'tent city in the desert' jail, 1995
It was certainly a record for polyester.
Auctioneer, after John Travolta's leisure suit from Saturday Night Fever brought in $145,000 at auction, 1995
Once was enough.
Christophe Auguin, French teacher, sailor, after sailing around the world solo in 106 days, 1997
We can wear flat shoes now and be fat.
Ann Barbour, United Airlines flight attendant, commenting on a new agreement on working conditions, 1996.
Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry, Humorist, 1998.
These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.
Charles Barkley, basketball player, in a commercial for basketball shoes, 1993
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.
Charles Barkley, making NBA playoff predictions, 1994
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating", 1994
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.
Charles Barkley, after elbowing an Angolan basketball player at the Olympic Games, 1992
We were so close to being one of the actual victims. It makes you feel humble.
Robert Lee Bedker,Vietnam war vetran mistakenly listed as killed in action on the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, 1996
I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie. You have to be different.
Tony Bennet, singer, 1994
Never underestimate the power of denial.
Wes Bently, actor, in the film American Beauty, 1999
I would like to believe that the discovery of even a single fossil bacteria on Mars would teach us what we ought to know all along, and that is what binds us here on earth-- all the diverse peoples here-- is really much more profound than what seems to separate us.
Richard Berendzen, American University Professor, August 6, 1996
A hundred years from now Bob Dole's new tax plan will rate a footnote in the history books and this may have a whole chapter in itself.
Richard Berendzen, American University Professor, on the announcement that signs of extra terrestrial life were found in a meteorite, August 6, 1996
Well, they're really outhouses. Once you've seen a race, you can't not be a fan.
Mark Blair, attendee, at the Great Outhouse Blowout (where they push 'em down the road on wheels -- what were you thinking?), Gravel Switch KY, 1996
I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb; it is a device which is exploding.
Jacques Le Blanc, French ambassador to New Zealand, describing France's nuclear testing, 1995
My performances have finally caught up with my ego.
Ato Boldon, Trinidadian Sprinter, bronze medalist in the men's 100 and 200 meters, Atlanta Olympics, 1996.
I watched too much Wile E. Coyote as a kid. I've outgrown it.
Jon Bon Jovi, musician and actor, on why he does not want to play action/adventure roles, 1996
The kids get ready for school like they always do, and you throw them in the boat.
Talbert Boop, Hatfield Indiana resident, on dealing with widespread flooding, 1997.
She wanted it strapless. Do you know what an engineering feat that is?
Saul Bostwick, dress designer for a 'larger than she used to be' Aretha Franklin, 1996
It looked like a Taco Bell after an earthquake.
Karen Breslau, reporter for Newsweek, describing Air Force One after hitting severe air turbulence while serving Mexican food, 1996.
Be careful what you swallow. Chew!
Gwendolyn Brooks, poet laureate, advice to graduates, Buena Vista University Graduation, 1995
What are we supposed to do, write them a ticket?.
Kenny Bryson, Washington DC Police Department spokesman, on being told that the Pentagon has no contingency plan for an invasion from outer space, and refers callers to local authorities, 1996
A lot of advertisers lined up to throw money at this stuff because they were caught up in the hysteria about the Web. But now they want to know how you make money selling a $1.59 bottle of dish detergent on the World Wide Web.
Karen Burka, electronic marketing analyst, 1995
One thing I can say about George...he may not be able to keep a job, but he's not boring.
Barbara Bush, first lady, 1995
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
Barbara Bush, first lady, 1989
As if we don't have enough volence on television.
Barbara Bush, first lady, after her husband accidentally hit two spectators with golfballs during a celebrity golf tournament. 1995
It's been different. I started driving again. I started cooking again. My driving's better than my cooking. George has discovered Sam's Club.
Barbara Bush, former first lady, describing life out of the public eye to David Letterman, December 6th, 1996
My grandkids say, "Reality Bites." O.K., but it also challenges and rewards...I believe our best days are yet to come.
George Bush, US president, College of William and Mary Graduation, 1995
I take as my guide the hope of a saint:
in crucial things, unity -
in important things, diversity -
in all things, generosity.
George Bush,US President, Inaugural Address, 1989
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
George Bush, US president, 1990
The only time I had any butterflies was when I stood up and backed toward the open door and looked down.
George Bush, former US President, describing his sky diving experience, 1997
There ought to be limits to freedom.
George W. Bush, Governor of Texas and US Presidential Candidate, in response to an unflattering web site, 1999
To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.
George W. Bush, US President, Yale University commencement speech, 2001 | 
